we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
