I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
