On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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