I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
