Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
