Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
