the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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