You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
