The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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