i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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