Barsexuality is the new black.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
