I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
