there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
