he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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