so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Still dying that you shit outside
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
