What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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