I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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