Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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