I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
