Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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