Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
