After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
