Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize