I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
