Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
