I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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