life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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