dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
