DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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