my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
is wine microwaveable?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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