Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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