I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
