I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
