Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
operation harelip BJ is a go
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
