508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
