Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
