I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
