i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize