Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
