yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
