I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
