Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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