eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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