i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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