I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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