Grow some girl-balls and come out already
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
