peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
