I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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