i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
