my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
