Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
