we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
