please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
