Me. At least after what I've been through.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
