I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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