Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
