my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
