I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
