You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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