what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I love you.
Bad choice
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
