Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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