Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
