My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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