my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
