NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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