Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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