In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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