Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
