I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
