I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
