After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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