I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
