i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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