She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
